Skip to main content

Dad Discovers... Nappy Changes

First Impressions

Think about having a baby and one of the first pictures that pops into your head is a nappy. And then maybe a creeping sense of terror around what's in that nappy. You might have spent a lot of time around kids. You might have had friends or siblings with babies that you've played with or even helped feed. But odds are you never been called on to remove freshly-laid poo from out of their bum crack, and that's just the way you like it.

Well congratulations my friend, you now have a child and you're now responsible for keeping it clean. You're now an officially designated nappy changer, and you're going to have to get your hands dirty. Quite possibly in a literal sense.

The First One

It's fair to say that I didn't have a whole lot of time to prepare for the first nappy change. In fact apart from a bizarre 10 minutes in an NCT session with a nappy, a baby doll and some Nutella (which has put me off Nutella for a few years) I had zero experience until a midwife in the delivery room suggested that The Boy needed changing. 'Fair enough' I thought, having been through quite a lot that day, and nodded expectantly at her before the dawning realisation that she actually meant me.

Ah. Right.

Now in one of nature's little tricks, the first poo your baby does is entirely different to anything else it will bestow on you. It even has it's own fun name - Meconium! And it's dark and sticky and a bit like Marmite (which is a real treat) as it contains a whole load of weird things your baby has been swallowing while in the womb. So with stoic British determination I got in there, gave that little newborn bum a hasty scrub with some wet cotton wool and got the hell out of there. Then under a fair amount of pressure from a watching audience I managed to put on a new nappy and tape it up at the sides with no major issues. Job done. King of nappy changes. High fives from all the top medical consultants (probably).


But then it turns out that you're now expected to do this sort of thing all the time! And instead of getting easier it gets progressively worse! And all you really want to know is how to turn a dirty baby into a clean baby with as little exposure to baby poo as possible. Well it turns out that there are pro's and cons to newborn baby poo. On the plus side its initially a bit like curry sauce so it's relatively easy to wipe away. On the down side you'll be amazed by the sheer volume of poo a tiny baby can produce, and the foul smell it will generate.

The nappies themselves though are relatively straight forward and mostly idiot-proof, and eventually, like most things, you'll get used to it and once again declare yourself King of Nappies. But then, in what you'll soon realise is an annoying habit of kids, they change their behaviour and everything you think you know will be rendered totally useless. One day they'll start kicking their legs about, then they'll start twisting their bodies away from you. Then they'll start trying to rummage around down there with their hands, and eventually they'll attempt an all-out escape while you're desperately trying to contain them with one hand while trying to contain the biological bomb that has gone off below with the other. You'll need wipes. You'll need a LOT of wipes.

The Boy is only two at the moment so that's as far as I've gotten, but I'm certain there's a whole other chapter to be written about potty training and moving out of nappies altogether. I've been psychologically traumatised on more than one occasion, and will probably cover some of these greatest hits in another post, but I can say that I've done my duty for Queen and country, and if nothing else it has massively increased my tolerance for all other bodily fluids, which is nice.

Good luck out there dads. May your nappies never leak, and may your wipes never run out.


Popular posts from this blog

Dad Discovers... The First Few Hours

A Baby "Congratulations!" said the midwife, placing a tiny lump of wrinkly grey flesh on my wife's chest. I was a dad. After nine-and-a-bit months of pregnancy and many hours of labour here was a small person that we had made. A whole life that we'd just created from thin air. I looked at him as he slowly turned from grey to pink, and he looked at me with his dark eyes, sizing me up with an expression that said "So you're going to be my dad then huh? Interesting." I looked at his tiny hands and wrinkled fingers and he gripped my own finger with his hand. I was a dad. We stayed in the hospital for a while longer, I did my first nappy change and despite having prepared for his arrival for a very long time, we just looked at him in slight disbelief that he was there at all.
Leaving Eventually, the medical staff told us we were being discharged and could all go home. By this time he'd been dressed in his first little babygrow and looked much more like …

Dad Discovers... CBeebies

CBeebies is great. Until you have kids you'll probably never have any cause to watch it, but once you do you'll be thankful for the BBC for creating it. It's brilliant. There are, of course, loads of other kids channels out there from CITV to Nickelodeon, Disney Channel to Baby TV, but most depend on a paid subscription of some kind, are predominantly American in content, and are bursting with adverts. CBeebies on the other hand is free (sort of), has no adverts and can generally be relied upon to serve up several hours of good quality content for your sprog.

Needless to say there's a lot of different programmes out there, but these are my current personal Top 10 CBeebies shows.

10) Justin's House The almost reincarnation of Emu's Pink Windmill Show, hosted by the undisputed king of toddler TV, Justin Fletcher. He pops up all over the place on CBeebies but this one is the most fun.

9) Baby Jake Oh look, this family live in a windmill! Ah, here's each membe…

Dad Discovers... Soft Play

“A dungeon horrible, on all sides round… No light; but rather darkness visible served only to discover sights of woe” 
- Description of Hell in ‘Paradise Lost’ by John Milton.
A Great Idea Soft play establishments were one of those things that I was vaguely aware of before having kids, without actually having any interest in. It’s a bit like the way that I’m aware of cricket, ITV Be and Luxembourg and have nothing against them but have no plans on giving them any of my attention.
Flash forward to the present and I’m sitting at home with a small energetic child, it’s raining outside and we desperately need to get him out of the house for a bit. Then we remember that there are mythical play lands specially designed for small children. They have a cafĂ© too, so what’s not to like? We decide to give it a try. Remote for a Reason What sets the tone for these places very early on is their location. Something conveniently located in town? Nope. Something in a leafy suburb overlooking a park? …